My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years now and we’ve lived together for most of our relationship. Lately, some family members and friends have started asking us the “When are you getting married?“ question. Usually I want to answer with, well that’s none of your business, but then revert to some explanation of what our life looks like right now.
Sure they might actually be genuinely curious about the next steps in our life but does it really make a difference in their lives whether they know our marriage plans? Absolutely not.
And guess what?
Our marriage plans really are NONE of your business.
You should never have to justify your reasonings behind getting hitched, or not.
Every time someone asks this question, they perpetuate the notion that marriage is the ultimate endgame, that it’s what’s best for my relationship. That marriage is some sort of accomplishment.
They seem to care way more about my lack of impending nuptials than the actual people involved in my relationship (just me and boyfriend, last time I checked).
Ask This Instead!
So ask us where we plan to travel next, ask us about our work lives, ask us about that time we camped in the middle of the Canadian wilderness, woke up in the middle of the night and watched the Northern lights dance all around us. Ask us if we’re happy. Ask us about our favourite fishing spot — but please, don’t ask us when we’re getting married. In doing so, you’re completely missing the point.
Our relationship has gotten stronger and stronger with each passing year and through each new challenge and triumph we’ve faced.
And we have absolutely no fancy white wedding plans. So please just get over it.
Society forces many people to feel that at a certain point in a relationship, marriage is the necessary next step — and those who feel pressure sometimes take this step even if they are not financially (or worse, emotionally) ready to do so. There’s also a common misconception that a relationship isn’t truly “complete” until someone puts a ring on it. Well that’s bullshit.
Marriage Is Not The End Goal
Having a healthy relationship doesn’t mean having a goal of marriage in mind — it means being on the same page with each other, whatever that page may be. For us, it means trying new things, it means being open and honest with each other, it means watching Sons of Anarchy on a Friday night and basking in just how boring we can be, it means heading to the gym together on a Saturday morning.
We don’t want to spend our money on a shiny diamond ring, a white dress, wedding photographer and fancy decorations that become useless after the wedding.
For now, we want to spend our money on things that help us make memories we’ll have forever.
Does that mean we are never going to get married? No. Does that mean some people might not agree with our choice of marriage plans? Yes.
And that’s fine.
Because the life we have created for ourselves is enough for us—no binding legal documents in sight.
So shouldn’t it be enough for everyone else?
Keeping it real with love,